Character Information    Name: Orando Magnus Gallus ~ The Trickster Mage ~ The Pornomancer XP/Next lvl: 0-0-0 / 2,500 - 1,500 - 2,000 Class: Arcane Carnalist ~ MU/C/F HP:curr/max 5 / 5 Alignment: 'It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. They are either charming or tedious.' AC:reg/rear/no shield 1 / 4 / 2 Race: Half-Elven Level: 1/1/1 Age: 200 Height: 5'7' Weight: 140 Gender: Hermaphrodite Encumbrance: Light Movement: 12' Languages: Elf, Common, Gnome, Dwarf, Gnoll, Goblin, Hobgoblin, Orc, Halfling, Fey, Parsel

Ability Scores    STR: 10 (1-2 doors, 2% BB) INT: 12 (3 Lang., 45, 5/7) WIS: 15 (+1 , + 2 1st lev, +1 2nd lev bonus) DEX: 16 (+1, -2) CON: 11 (75, 80) CHR: 13 (5, norm, +5)

Saving Throws   

Death, Paralysis, Poison:	Petrification, Polymorph:	Rod, Staff or Wand:	Breath:	Spell:
10	13	11	15	12
Notes: Wisdom bonus +1 on saves for mental and will-force magics (PHB p. 11)

Description and Background    Description: Fair skinned, a welcoming smile, deep blue eyes and long white-blond or raven tresses (depending on mood), Orando is ambiguously beautiful. Though he generally identifies as male, being a hermaphrodite enables him to look fully female with rouge and dress, and of course function as such, which he often does. Orando is tall for a half-elf, 5'9', toned, fluid in movement, quick in mind, sharp witted. He enjoys the finer things in life. Background: His birth was whispered a curse, for Orando entered this world killing the mother who bore him. The birth maids vainly tried to save her, but the healing magics did not work. Their shock was doubled upon seeing the deformed Orando, for the baby was both boy and girl. Rumors swirled, from demonic father to dark magicks to fey drugs corrupting the baby's purity. The shame upon the high family was great. ~ The hermaphrodite was largely ignored, raised by successive hand maidens who all left service due to Orando's penchant for tricks. These could be truly funny, or cruel, or sometimes nonsensical. Orando was brilliant yet eccentric from an early age. Blessed with beauty, he could be strikingly handsome, or she could be salaciously seductive, and was always keenly aware of this. Orando was studious, sneaky, manipulative, inquisitive, decadent, self-centered, driven, perverse. His family humored her the first 50 years but then sent him away to Academy. A black sheep uncle, a former adventurer who had taken a human wife, took a shine to the boy and ignited Orando's later wanderlust with stories of adventure and magick. The young half-elf (what was the other half, he sometimes pondered) recognized over time she had dark addictions. He welcomed them. ~ Orando lived among the elves for 100 years, pursuing his arcane interests while exploring all things carnal. Recognizing the body should be as honed as the mind, the eccentric Orando pursued martial interests in a variety of weapons. At 150 years, he became an accomplished singer and lutist, known for his ability to switch timbers in her voice to sound male or female. Orando began merging sorcery and sensuality, developing unique dweomers. She pushed the boundaries of erotic exploration in his relations with different fey races, humanoids and extra-planar entities. Eventually in his second century Orando left his homeland to wander among mankind. While she realizes his tastes and practices may be viewed as perverse among some segments of humankind, he doesn't care.

Weapons

Weapon	Att/Rnd	Range	Speed	Damage sm/l	Spec.	Dbl. spec.	THAC0	Projectiles Left	Notes
Pricks of Ignorance (Darts)	3	1.5-3-4.5	2	1d4/1d4	n	n		20
Ent Cock (Oaken Staff-Sling)	1	3/6 - 9	4 /11	1d6/1d6	n	n		12	Sling staff bullets 2d4, 1/2 per round rate
Thrust of Pain (Dagger)	1/2	1-2-3	2	1d4/1d4	n	n		2	Blade is in form of phallus with hilt of testes
Fucking Bastard (Bastard sword)	1		6	2d4/2d8	n	n			On horse. Not used in day-to-day dealings, if he can help it.
The Bitch (Short Bow)	2	5-10-15		1d6/1d6	n	n		24	On horse. Not used in daily dealings, if he can help it.

Equipment Qty Item Location 1 Carmine robe woven by vestal virgins under a full moon, containing many pockets seen and unseen. Worn 1 Spell components best left unsaid. Robe 1 Compact traveling spell book of greased vellum inscribed in the indelible ink of the salt marsh octo-crab. Backpack 1 Black splint mail covered in blasphemous runes writ in mentstrual blood. Worn if she must, being his most unfashionable piece. 1 Backpack of tanned, supple centaur hide. Back 1 Tools of violence used when civilized discourse fails, detailed in the Weapons section. 1 Dried foodstuffs unremarkable in taste but nutritious. Backpack 1 Scribe instruments: quill of the peacock, ink of the octo-crab, azure chalk from ground pumice and taint-stone. Pockets 1 Hand mirror of polished scry-glass. Pocket 1 Herbs rumored to be useful: hobbit-weed of joyful contemplation, belladonna, garlic, wolvesbane. Pockets 1 Packet of flour from the kitchen of the Seventh Heaven Brothel. Pockets 1 Packet of black pepper from the kitchen of Wolfgang Puck the gourmet thaumaturgist. Pockets 1 Belt of Black Boa hide customized with dart straps for Pricks of Ignorance, for only those bereft of civil reason will feel their sting. Waist 1 Empty sack of plain canvas, folded tightly. Backpack 1 Wormwood pipe shellacked with the oils of ungsten spleen. Pocket 24 Stone marbles for foiling pursuit Pocket 1 Pocketful of fine sand, for use in blinding dishonorable foes. Pocket 1 Hand journal of cut Elven parchment, latch-locked, for recording observations, philosophies and revelations. Pocket 1 Rope of black strangler tree vine, 30'. Backpack 1 Prized wine of midnight-picked cliff berries pressed by virgins feet. Backpack 1 Holy water thrice blessed. Backpack 1 Pouch of dried testicles and nipples from vanquished lovers and foes. Pocket 1 Cat-o-nine-tails whip. Backpack 1 Padded handcuffs. Pocket 1 Plugs, grips, clips, blind-folds, wigs, ties, and other unmentionable tools and toys for carnal purposes. Pockets 1 Mount the Horse, adorned with barding and saddle bags. Rides it 1 Sly the pet ferret. Pocket 1 Rouge for beautifying the mortal coil. Pocket 1 Bedroll of down feathers, for two. Horseback 1 Lute of superior elven manufacture. Saddlebag 1 Clothes make the man, or woman: a saddlebag of fashionable day and nightwear. Saddlebag 1 Shield of Bullette Scale (not customarily carried unless a combat situation is known) On horseback Wealth   Enter negative number to subtract PP GP EP SP CP 0 70 0 10 0

Magic Items Qty Item Location 1 An actorios gemstone ring gifted to him from a past lover, said to reveal the emotions of others. Or so Orando claims to anyone who asks. Left ring finger. Gems and Jewelry Qty Item Location 6 Various costume jewelry, some sedate, some flashy, all quite worthless to the rare trained eye. Here and there

Memorized Spells

Spell Book Level 0 Belch cantrip Firefinger cantrip Giggle cantrip Level 1 Arneson's Aggrandisement / Reductor (Enlarge) Benai's Beneficial Beguilement (Charm Person) Bungee's Forgiving Fall (Feather Fall) Panguine's Loyal Porter (Unseen Servant) Level 2 Cook's Cerebral Consonance (ESP) Milf's Magic Mouth Moldvay's Mantle of Stealth (Invisibility) Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter Viagra's Evergrowing Lust Level 3 Milf's Magnificant Mammaries (Melf's Minute Meteor, modified)

Notes

Racial Abilities - Infravision 60' - 30% resistance to sleep/charm - 1/6 chance to detect secret doors when passing within 10' - 2/6 to discover concealed doors when searching - 2/6 find secret doors when searching Spells, Proficiencies, Hobbies From two centuries of living... Arcane Spells: 1 1st level Divine Spells: 3 1st level (Wis. bonus) Weapon Proficiencies: staff-sling, darts, dagger, long sword, bastard sword, short bow Non-weapon Proficiencies: - Singing - Lute playing - Herbology - Dancing - Arcane Lore - Seduction - Carnal Practices - Book binding New Spells Should the DM want spice in his porridge... in Orando's spell book but yet to be mastered? Kazimir's Resplendent Couture: Bedecks the caster in the latest haute fashion, be it formalwear, eveningwear, daywear, smart adventuring apparel, cult couture or fine fur loinclothes. Increases Cha. +2. Duration: One turn plus one turn per level. Two segment cast time, VSM components (a small rag.)Â Panguine's Loyal Porter: Unseen Servant with one variation: it can fly. Second Level Viagra's Evergrowing Lust: Recipient's manhood begins to grow one inch per level of caster, per round. Target overcome with lust and desire to copulate. Save for no effect. Duration 2 rounds per caster level. VS components. Orando's Pleasureable Poke: Exquisite pleasure strikes the loins of the target. The orgasmic delight incapacitates the target, allowing no other action except sounds of pleasure (and perhaps pleas for more.) Duration: 1 round every two levels of caster. Orando's Awful Orifice Knit: Closes up one orifice of the recipient. The skin and tissue grows over the orifice. The choice of orifice (defined as any bodily opening) is up to the caster. A save is permitted and if made, there is no effect other than an uncomfortable tingling sensation around said orifice. Effects of the closed orifice are not deadly per se, as the victim could breath through the nose, or cut open the flesh over the orifice. However, imaginative uses of the spell make this more than a practical joke enchantment. This spell is particularly effective when used in conjunction with Orando's other legendary spells such the Awful Anal Explosion, Beautiful Bile Backup, and Viagra's Endless Growth. The Awful Orifice Knit requires 2 segments to cast, with Verbal, Somatic (puckered lip smacking) and Material components (six inches of knitting thread.) A Dispel Magic, Remove Curse or Cure Serious Wounds will all reverse the spell. Philosophies and Frivolities* 'I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.' 'Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.' 'You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit.' * Inspired by Orando's distant cousin Auskar Wilde.